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We agreed to not tell Bike's mom and drove right home. Don't let him in."But the idiot Bike was outside the van as well, trying to talk this woman into breastfeeding her baby.
In the center of the road at the edge of the neighborhood there was this very fat man playing a mandolin.I get out and go "Hey, you're going to have to get out of the way."And the guy goes "Would you like to know your fortune.". My friend Bike and I were driving his mom's van to go get our eyebrows waxed.
While I'm pulling out splinters the other guy waddled over to the passenger's side.I go "BIKE. He was wearing a rather awkwardly large codpiece on the outside of his slacks.And I go "Ok".And he goes "You're about to get a stick up your ureter."And I look behind me and there is another guy--probably the oldest man I've ever seen--hobbling toward the door of the van.
He had this weird grin on his face and was sweating profusely.Before I could stop him, I get whacked in the butt with the mandolin. The woman didn't even have a baby.So the morbidly obese man and the old codger take off in the van.We recovered it a while later, they had driven to a back alley casino that Bike's uncle runs to play some booty roulette.
Needless to say we do still have rather shaggy eyebrows.The weird thing was, on the way back to bikes house, there was a mysterious cassette tape in the console that must have been left by the thieves, playing random selections from "Julianne Hough".
Julianne Hough may be a fantastic dancer but a singer she ain't. Hough tries desperately to pull off a country twang but she is not in the same league as Reba or even Faith Hill. It's pretty obvious her popularity is based on her looks, that's not a bad thing but hey not everyone has a talent for singing, you either got it or you don't.
She has crystal clear power, without vibrato, over an impressive range. Scrap all the nonsense about content. She has proven, by singing live, that she isn't a lip syncing tartlette. All country songs, as the inevitable and perpetual joke decries, talk about the same things. This young woman has a clarity of voice the likes of which I haven't heard in 30 years. I can't really identify with her choices of material, but I'll kowtow to her incredible talent. Her brother is mediocre at best, but they do well together.
Yes, but there it is.The songs are not timeless, philosophical or deep, although several are catchy and fun. To be honest, I was predisposed to dislike Julianne Hough (Pronounced "Huff.") She had everything I dislike about modern Nashville music: young, pretty, blonde, not a songwriter, known for something besides music. Imagine a dark and rainy day; midnight at mid-day, with a downpour filling the streets to overflowing. Implausible. It isn't about anything at all. There, in the midst of it, is Julianne Hough, skipping along, covered by a shining sunshine umbrella, clean, dry and happy.
But this album isn't about the music. She brought everything to the table that needed to be cleared.But then I saw and heard her. Barely 20 years of age, Hough is not a powerful singer, although she is virtually flawless technically. Despite your darkest angry resentments, you cannot dislike her; in fact, you cannot help but be grateful only to have seen her.Silly. Yes. It isn't about the marketing.
It is simply a celebration of a very happy, charming, likable young lady whose joie de vivre one cannot help but share.
I have been a big fan of Julianne Hough since I first saw her on Dancing with the Stars. She is a beautiful, extremely talented young woman. I was very impressed to hear her sing and really like her first album. Wish her much success.
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